Saturday, April 25, 2009

Aww, Yeah, Skinny B*tchezzz

There's a book out there called Skinny Bitch. I admit I walked past it half a dozen times before picking it up, trying to decide whether or not I should be offended by it. Being a, erm, skinny bitch myself, I reflected on the times people have remarked on my being thin. As a kid, just like fat kids, I was ridiculed, called Olive Oyl. 

Whatever, it builds character, but when you become an adult and people continue to ridicule, it's hard to know what to think.

Let me give you a few examples of skinny bitchisms that have happened to me:

Thanksgiving in Mexico, a heavyset American woman comments on the fact that I haven't put any turkey on my plate saying, right into my ear, as we walk through the buffet and she piles it on, "take a little turkey, it'll put some meat on your bones."

Sitting out in the sunshine at Panera Bread during mid-morning, snacking on a low-fat banana muffin and drinking an Americano, a woman who looked to be in her fifties breezes past, commenting on the fact that I'm just "going to get skinner snacking on that."

Woah, Nelly! In both instances I went red for an instant (and I should note, these are not isolated events...people often hug me and comment on how they can wrap their arms around me, or can't get over the fact that I'd wear stilettos *gasp!* at this height/weight) and then remembered that I'm healthy, that I practice yoga and take care of my body. It's my body and it must make folks feel better (?) to make snarky remarks about my size.

Back to Skinny Bitch. I haven't read it but they are witty ladies. They talk smack on soda and teach you how to "have a sweet ass." I think this must be the reason it's constantly at the top of the bookselling lists. "Stop being a moron and start being skinny," reads the back, and inside you see things about portion control. I know I'm not perfect, but I felt no compulsion to buy the book, as I already subscribe to most of what I saw.

My grandfather has said to me, more than once, that if I turn sideways I disappear. He's got a potbelly for days, so I guess I could ridicule him for that, but I don't find it helpful. I wouldn't dream of calling him a porker while he eats yet another steak - but it's ok for him to tell me to go on, get seconds, because I need to eat more. 

This post is for the skinny bitches out there. Stay skinny but make sure you're bulked up enough that you can punch somebody's lights out if they are mean to you about being string beany.

Or not. I don't advocate violence. But a little muscular definition might scare the jerks off. And the threat of bodily harm might be enough to keep the haters at bay.

Either way, skinny bitches, keep on keeping it realer


  1. In case it matters to you, baby, I think you are gorgeous just the way you are. I wouldn't change your body for anything!

    Love you!

  2. I've actually read the skinny bitch book and while it's amusing some of the stuff they really want you to do is downright unhealthy. I should rephrase that: it may be a healthier way to eat IF you are vegan or very strict vegetarian. The stuff that isn't dangerous, though, is common sense (like portion control). I'm not hating on the *idea* of being a skinny bitch but their way of going about it is...

  3. I had a similar reaction to the book as you; me being me, curiosity won out, and I finally picked it to browse through. I hope to holy bejeesus you don't subscribe to their philosophy, which, contrary to the blurb above, seemed to use female self-loathing as a primary motivator. (Sample line: "Also, we have some fat, gross body parts, too. We’re women.”) Siona was unimpressed. I'm all about skinny bitches, but people, you're supposed to love what you've got, no matter how little or how much of it there is.